Tim Kelly
Between the Lines Column

Between the Lines: And So, We Leave D.C. in the Rearview Mirror

So goodbye Golden Brick RoadWhere the fops of Capitol Hill howlI’ve had enough of The White HouseAnd silk-suited dopes on the prowlSo long to the marble facades everywhereAnd “Leaders” who just don’t howMy family is leaving the Beltway behindAdieu to the Golden Brick Row-oh-odAhhhh ah ah ah ah… By the time the July 4 fireworks briefly bedazzled before falling as ashy embers, a big, honkin’ moving van carried the contents
Tim Kelly
Between the Lines Column

Between the Lines: These are the Freaky Days of Our Lives

This is a silent spring, not the environmental disaster Rachel Carson envisioned/imagined in her 1962 book, but silent in the lack of human activity. All due to a bundle of DNA just 0.125 microns in size. A full micron, by the way, is one millionth of a meter. The problem is there are a gazillion gazillion of the little viruses all over the globe, and as this is written just
Ryan, Dennis and Tim Kelly
Between the Lines Column

Between the Lines: A Nausea-Inducing Wearin’ ‘O the Green

Ryan, Dennis and Tim Kelly by Tim Kelly Dammit! Who turned on the friggin lights? What the hell? Relax, guy, everything’s cool. Cool? It’s the middle of the damn night and there’s a glowing guy in a dress standing at the foot of the bed and… It’s a tunic. What? You called it a dress. It’s a tunic. Spun from flax. Nice, right? Flax. Flax? Ok, wake up! Wake up!
Tim Kelly
Between the Lines Column

Between the Lines: Part Man, Part Leprechaun, 100% Kevin

by Tim Kelly As soon as the phone rang, I knew something was wrong. Who would call at 7 p.m. or so on New Year’s Eve? Too early both for “Happy New Year!” and “Happy Birthday!” Both would be appropriate after midnight, the beginning of 2020 and my Jan.1 birthday. Older brother Mike was on the line. “I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news,” he said, and answered my question
Tim Kelly
Between the Lines Column

Between the Lines: Do You Sneeze in Sunlight After Eating Chocolate?

Good morning, all. Ok, ok, let’s settle down. Although the thick snow cover says otherwise, welcome to what’s ironically called the “Spring Semester.” Exactly! Just like referring to last semester as the “Fall Semester” when that first week was hot as Hades and humid as Honduras. Be that as it may, welcome back. Hope you all brought your pencil case and a “Jonny Quest” lunchbox. No? How about a Trapper
Tim Kelly
Between the Lines Column

Between the Lines: We Demand His Presence, Not Presents

Santa’s Private Office7 a.m., Monday, Dec 16 Knock knock! It’s unlocked! Oh, hey, Bingo. What’s up? Please don’t say it’s another production problem. Not now. No, Boss, they tell me they’ve pretty much wrapped it up for the year, except for the usual last-minute stuff. It’s not logistics, is it? Not with only 41 hours until “Go Time!” Boss, no, everything’s green across the board. Ok, I’m confused. You’re hardly
Tim Kelly
Between the Lines Column

Between the Lines: Does The Past Portend a Proliferation of Pot?

Perhaps. And by that, do I mean will New York State eventually, or inevitably, legalize the recreational use of marijuana? Are doobies in our destiny? Will we be lured into a lullaby by lucifer’s lettuce? Since the state’s Democratic governor proposed it to the Democratic-controlled Assembly and Senate, it seemed a sure thing earlier this year. But, unfortunately, all youse wild about wacky weed were left with the political version
Tim Kelly
Between the Lines Column

Judges, Parents, Lawyers & A Man Named Beto

Ya-low. Hey, what’s happening? Hold on a minute while I move into another room. The Missus is watching “Judge Judy” and, well, let’s just say that Bluetooth headphones, um, make certain aspects of domestic life infinitely more tolerable. Problem is, these don’t cancel out every other sound, like for instance, some idiot telling a fake judge in a fake TV courtroom that the $3,000 he got from his cousin was
Tim Kelly
Between the Lines Column

Between the Lines: A Hampton By Any Other Name is Just as Crowded

by Tim Kelly Once upon a time, people discovered the events of the world around them through newspapers. And to sell newspapers, you needed a really catchy, if not shocking, headline. Such as: Earthquake and fire:San Francisco in ruins Or; Titanic sinks four hours after hitting iceberg Also; Jack the Ripper claims 4th victim And; Yankees Moving to HalifaxOwners: ‘Screw the Bronx!’ Obviously, one of those headlines isn’t real. Can
Between the Lines Column

Between the Lines: Money Isn’t Everything? Horse Hockey

Scraping hardened food off dishes with sweat and detergent-laden steam beading on me brow, emptying long-fermenting buckets of fish heads and guts amid a cloud of squawking, peckish gulls, stamping prices on canned goods for hours on end, collecting fetid restaurant refuse, piled haphazardly under a searing sun, and truckin’ it to the dump in a squeaking, rattling powder-blue pickup named “Gladys.” With summer on the wane and Labor Day