As easy as it would be to throw out some sort of traditional resolution this time of year, I’m choosing to sit this one out.
Gone are the days of promising to lose ‘x’ number of pounds by a certain date, only to be frustrated when the numbers on the scale fall short of my ultimate goal. The only resolution that I see worth keeping is one that addresses conflicts.
What comes to mind when you think of the word ‘conflict’? Some thoughts might immediately jump to large-scale outbreaks of warring factions — possibly a dispute over territory that each side claims to have ownership. Others might see conflicts simply as disagreements or opposing perspectives on a particular subject matter.
Either way, conflicts (both macro and micro-level), appear to be at the forefront of our society, with very little progress being made.
Societally, macro-level conflicts typically concern sizeable groups of people and may potentially affect far-reaching portions of a distinct region or an entire country. Conflicts that fall under this category tend to exist due to unresolved foundational issues such as equal rights, immigration, affordable healthcare and global warming. Consequently, a much more comprehensive or complex approach to finding an acceptable resolution will be necessary for coexistence.
Not surprisingly, failure to address these types of conflicts in an effective, timely manner leaves the door wide open for political, economic and societal unrest to take hold.
Conversely, micro-level conflicts exist on a much smaller scale, dealing with topics such as overdevelopment, failing infrastructure and school funding, to name just a few. Groups within a given locality disagree with one another’s prescription for how to proceed with a satisfactory plan of action.
When we bring it down even further, to the level of an individual, I think that, for many folks, our first instinct is to avoid conflict when confronted with situations that might put us in an uncomfortable position. We might feel vulnerable, anxious, or judged, all of which commonly align with fear-based emotions.
We typically learn our ‘conflict management style’ all throughout childhood. If we witnessed or experienced a confrontational style at home, the way in which we responded to such situations back then will generally carry forward into adulthood. Cultural or religious norms may also play a factor in how we relate to conflict.
Personally, I can look to the past and identify at least two of my more long-term, committed relationships where I would consistently take what psychologists refer to as the ‘conflict avoidance path,’ when met with a potentially confrontational situation.
On the surface, a given incident might appear somewhat banal in the moment, such as a partner’s issue with time management or a failure to communicate one’s whereabouts. In each of those relationships, these types of patterns would eventually snowball over time, until they no longer became acceptable behavior.
Not until recently have I come across such a succinct description of my experience that relates to this topic. It’s a piece appearing in Psychology Today written by psychologist and author Jonice Webb that states: “First, the other person gets to run the show, and their negative behavior goes unchecked. Second, you walk away feeling victimized and stifled.”
Do I have hope that this year, we as a country will make strides in resolving some of the conflicts that seem to be tearing us apart? It goes without saying that I long for the day that will happen. Until then, I’m still hitting the gym regularly and resolve to eat fewer carbs.
